Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
