For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
