I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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