i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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