you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
