I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
