Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
