If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
