I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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