Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
