It's Friday. Sex?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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