i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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