I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
