I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
