I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We are two peas in an std pod
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
