I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
