My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
