When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
