Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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