what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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