and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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