There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
