It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
