i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
