hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
