the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
