i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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