i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
