so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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