this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
