This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hippo gnu deer
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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