So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
