You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
