so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
