he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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