Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
