Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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