I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
