its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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