oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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