insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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