Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
