he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
