She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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