Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
