I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
