I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
