Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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