No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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