My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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