She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
look no pants
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
