i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
