I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
