I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
