Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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