So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
