After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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