Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
