By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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