i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Randomize
