Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
