Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize