can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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