dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
