our cab driver is having phone sex.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
my poor anus
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
