dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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