you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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