I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
