Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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