never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
