ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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