I wish I could punch you in the face.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize