3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize