i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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