Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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