I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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