he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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