before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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