So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
