I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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