He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
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