Sponge bath it is.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
