Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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