Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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