Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
