Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
