i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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