Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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