Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize