omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
this beer tastes like vomit already
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
