new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
