i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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