my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
