apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
