your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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