YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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