6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize