the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
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