I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
