the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
