They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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