i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
