Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
